Anxiety

In three days I will take my first steps on the Pacific Crest Trail. Why am I filled with anxiety?

My People

Earlier in the week, Father Gary asked me to preach in church today. My cautious self thought it was a bad idea – I should stay focused on pre-hike duties (so much still remains to be done!). But Patti said I would regret not preaching. She knows me, so I went with her recommendation. After the two morning services, I felt better. The sermon came together well, and the parish gave me a wonderful send off with prayers and kind words. It felt like a commissioning, of sorts. So much love. Thank you, St. Matthews. That was the high point of the day.

Clouds on the Horizon

I am getting worried. The plan to arrive in Reno on Tuesday seems flawed. There is no reliable way to get to the trail from the airport. Susanville, California is halfway to the trailhead at Old Station, California. But the bus that runs to Susanville, California only runs on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I thought I had figured this into my calculations, but obviously I screwed that up. My attempts to get some love from local trail angels on Facebook have all fallen flat.

After talking with the person at the Reno REI today, I felt even worse – no miracle solution emerged. In fact, the REI person said that hitching out of Reno was hit or miss, mostly because there is a large number of pan-handlers in the area that crowd the intersections along the route to Hwy 395 to Susanville. Motorist would lump me with them and drive on by – guilt by association. So now it appears my options are to postpone the flight a day to allow me to catch the bus to Susanville on Wednesday or plunge ahead (foolishly?) and hope for the best. I have decided to take my chances on Tuesday. We will just see what happens.

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

Then it dawned on me this afternoon that I have no way to get cash during my hike. How could something so obvious escape notice until now? I have two credit cards. That’s it. No debit cards. How much money should I take? How do I get more money once I start? Grrr. I will probably figure it out on the trail, but the uncertainty is annoying.

Unfinished Business

Six weeks ago, I made a list of things that I should do before I leave home. These are the kind of things that would reduce the ranch workload for Patti or eliminate potential problems. Today, I finished installing the last of the automatic watering system in the barn. Final testing will happen tomorrow. This should save her a lot of work. I also fixed the automatic entry gate which has been dragging on the asphalt, threatening to get stuck half way.

But with only one day left, there are still so many things on the list. Tomorrow, I need to focus on packing my stuff, taking inventories and shipping a box to Ashland. I need to do maintenance on the mowers. My son is coming over in the evening and we are going to have burgers on the grill and discuss the timing for joining me on the trail. (I conned him into it.)

My Garmin InReach is still mostly a mystery. I have made a grand total of one successful test post to this blog using my phone. The newfangled watch I wanted to take feels like a Rube Goldberg puzzle. I wonder if 11 pounds of food is enough for the first 7 days on the trail. And on and on. Good grief.

To make matters worse, a heat wave is hitting NorCal just as I arrive with temps of 100F in Dunsmuir. I thought I had avoided the heat by starting on June 2!

The Trail Awaits

Calm down, Dave. It is going to be OK. This anxiety is my first test. Breathe. Imagine positive outcomes. Trust. See how calm Patti is. Don’t succumb to fear. Step out in faith. The trail awaits. You have done the training. Now just go out there and do it. Don’t short-circuit the experience with your own anxiety. Start thinking that way now.

Just don’t forget the beer. We are taking beer, right!?

chickenflea